she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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