I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
