The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize