what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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