the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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