I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
