So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
