Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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