There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
