I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
