Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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