You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
