Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We just shotgunned beers for America
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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