the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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