I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
