I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
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