i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
