So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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