yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
