but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
