glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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