Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
