I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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