u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Everything about him screamed your future.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
