I just saw a hot homeless man
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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