She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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