I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
