What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
