It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
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