No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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