I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize