Ambien. No doubt about it.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
