Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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