Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
