It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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