my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
