Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Randomize
