have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
