If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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