Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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