the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
They took my balls.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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