So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize