Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Randomize