its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
