Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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