her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
