So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
