They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
