You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
