I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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