ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Dick very happy bro
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
