Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize