Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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