You smell like stripper and shame
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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