I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
