I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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