fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
