i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
