Sorry, I don't speak sober.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
A bitchslap is in order.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
