I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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