Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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