why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
