he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Life is so much better after having sex.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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