Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
