meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
