Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
