He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
