she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
