I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
