i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
