Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
