i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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